“Iranian Women Are Surpassing Men,” Says the Wife of Turkey’s Ambassador to Iran.

Nazan Tekin was born in a religious family in Ankara. She studied international relations and enjoying a sociable, flexible spirit, she has played the highlighted role of a partner throughout the diplomatic career of her husband. Following the appointment of Mr. Hakan Tekin as Turkey’s Ambassador to Iran, she has had the chance to learn more of the Iranian society and women, and that has deeply affected her viewpoint toward the social position of the Iranian women. We had the honor to carry out a thorough interview with Mrs. Nazan Tekin at the Residence of the Turkish Ambassador in Iran which you may find below.

AVA Diplomatic’s Exclusive Interview with Nazan Tekin,

Spouse of Turkey’s Ambassador to Iran

Interview by Mohammadreza Nazari 

First and foremost, please tell us where you were born? How did you spend your childhood and youth?

I was born in 1967 in Ankara where I also grew up and went to college. My family wasn’t from Ankara, though. My father was the chairman of the Industry and Commerce Section at the Ministry of Commerce and after his retirement, he continued working as a lawyer. I am the third child in my family and was born after a sister and a brother. We’re three sisters and a brother.

What memories do you have from your childhood days with your sisters and brother?

Since my brother was older than I was, he played the traditional role of a big brother and felt he was right all the time. No matter how much I disagreed with his opinions, I always listened to him, though. I was an obedient girl.

What local games did kids play in Ankara?

When I was a child, Turkey’s economy was weak and isolated. We didn’t have many toys and we used to play outside with our friends more than we tended to stay in the house. Of course, I used to mostly play soccer with boys back in the yard. We would also play with marbles or do hopscotch, shoot stones with a ball or rope skipping. Back in the small place of our apartment, we played monopoly and had so much fun.

Also, in our neighborhood, there were often middle-class employees and that’s why not all kids had bikes to ride. So if one of them did actually have a bike, s/he would have lent it to other children to ride it.

The games I named, however, are not specifically for our region and all kids all across Turkey played them. When I think about the past, I pity today’s children, because they cannot play outside the house and that has brought them fatness and obesity.

Were you after learning how to make handicrafts?

My mother was a housewife and had already taught me all women’s arts such as knitting when I was seven or eight. Time has passed now, of course, and I can’t do them anymore.

When was the first time you cooked a meal and felt proud of it?

I helped my older sister bake cakes or make mayo when she cooked since I was 7.

I was 12 once and when it was Ramadan, I was fasting and felt really hungry. That was the first time I cooked food on my own and everyone in the family liked it. Everyone in our family cooks well, of course.

It seems that your father’s family was religious.

Yes, it was. My father, who is no longer among us, was religious and my mother is still very much so.

What field did you continue your education in?

Back in my guidance school days, I wasn’t thinking of jobs and university majors. In 1980 which was the time of my guidance school, a military coup took place in Turkey that marked a chaotic period in the country. In that time, I was not that interested in politics, but when I got into high school, I decided to major in international relations and make my way to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I had no one to consult with back then and just liked to do something for my country. I wanted to introduce Turkey to the world while I was trying not to go into interior politics. My second goal was to see all around the world and get to know the cultures of other countries.

In Turkey’s history, Ms. Tansu Çiller became the first women ever to be Turkey’s Prime Minister. Did that have any effect on your worldview and orientation for the coming future?

You know that Turkey’s culture is patriarchal and that is why being a female prime minister and being prominent in the society attracted my attention. But after that, her performance became more important to me than being a man or a woman. It is a sure fact, of course, that when a woman becomes Prime Minister in a patriarchal country, it leaves a positive impact on Turkish women.

Were you in college at the time of Ms. Ciller’s premiership?

I had finished college and was working in a bank.

What and where did you study?

I studied international relations at Ankara’s Middle East Technical University. That was the best state-fund university in Turkey at that time. In fact, we didn’t have private universities in Turkey then and our graduation coincided with the establishment of private universities. Of course, the year when I started my studies was the first year the IR Department was established at Middle East Technical University.

How did you meet your husband?

Mr. Ambassador had studied I.R. at Ankara University, and we had both applied for a job in a bank. The bank had held a one-year training course before finally recruiting the applicants in which we both participated and that was where we met.

Mr. Ambassador didn’t get into the bank after one year, however, and joined the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and pursued a separate way.

Who did show interest in starting a relationship first?

We had many mutual friends, of course, and I took a shine to him first. But he eventually came to me. See, in small cities of Turkey, not even two generations before me didn’t have that much choice to choose a husband, but now, it’s barely a barrier.

In some countries, of course, women do not have the right to choose their husbands yet, and they don’t even see their future husbands before marriage.

We call those “arranged marriages” in Turkey. My older brother experienced this kind of marriage. Nowadays, young people have found a moderate path, meet each other themselves, and decide about their marriage. But still, in conservative families, things such as arranged marriages happen.

How are wedding rituals and traditions like in Turkey?

Holding a wedding ceremony is a process and has various phases. First, the family of the groom go to the bride’s house and take flowers and sweets with them. Sometimes the girl goes cute and doesn’t respond to the proposal immediately; so the groom’s family once again goes to their house to get a yes.

If the elders conclude to respond positively to the groom, then the girl makes everyone Turkish coffee, and of course, she would add some salt to the groom’s cup. If the groom drinks it and doesn’t voice his objection, that means he’s a good and patient man.

After the proposal, it is the bride’s turn. The timespan between proposal and the wedding depends on what both families think. In small cities, and esp. in eastern Turkey, the boy’s family pays bride wealth to the girl’s family. If it is not paid, then there will be no wedding. That’s like selling the girl in my opinion, of course.

In the past, there were special places halls to hold wedding ceremonies, but now they are usually held at hotels and in gardens.

Marriages should be registered in Turkey, anyways. Religious people do another thing besides registering it. In fact, a clergyman performs a religious marriage verse between the two and that is done a few days prior to the ceremony.

According to Turkish regulations, the property earned after the marriage should be equally divided between the couple. In religious engagements, of course, there are things like dowry which are symbolic, but we do not have such things in our lawful weddings.

Do women have the right of divorce according to the Turkish Law?

Yes. All Turkish women have the divorce right and can go to the courtroom to get divorced whenever they want, and a divorce does not need the consent of the husband.

This is also interesting to know that in Turkey, a women’s family name changes to her husband’s surname once they get married. In the past, upon the permission of the spouse, a woman could keep her former last name, but it is not like this anymore and women do not need their husbands’ permission to do so. After we got married, I intended to keep my last name, but my father didn’t agree to that and that is why I chose my husband’s last name.

What is your original family name?

My father’s family name is Hacıoğlu pronounced like Haji Oglu and the reason they chose it was that my grandfather had gone to Mecca on foot. My grandfather lived in a small town, of course, and was very religious.

Is the bride’s family obliged to provide home appliances in Turkey’s culture?

Traditions have changed now. In the past, even in big cities, there was a tradition to prepare a dowry fund for the girl and her mother would collect the things she needed. In Turkey, we have common handicrafts such as needlework that formed part of the dowry. My mother had also prepared things for me, but I didn’t accept much of them.

Which Turkish or foreign band or singer do you like?

In Turkish music, we have a traditional genre which the generation of our fathers and mothers and some of the youth are interested in. My favorite singer is Muazzez Ersoy who works in the traditional genre. Some of the young singers who work in pop music have some works in traditional music, too.

I love rock, too, and rock bands work inside Turkey. Of foreign singers, I can name Bon Jovi, U2 and Coldplay and in our pop music, I like Tarkan and Teoman. Among international prominent figures, I listen to Adel.

You have been to different countries with Mr. Ambassador. Have you had the chance to go to the concert of one of your favorite singers?

We are both into classical music and have attended philharmonic orchestras. I have gone to Sting, Peter Gabriel, Cranberries and Pink Martini’s concerts. There are others I don’t recall.

We went to an Abba concert in Los Angeles which was held in an open space. At first, I thought they’re not Abba and it’s something like them. But when the concert was over, I just found out that they were actually Abba and was surprised.

When was your first child born? Is there any specific ritual for when a child is born?

When a child comes to this world, a clergyman whispers his name along with a verse of the Quran in his ear; we do that, too.

After childbirth, the mother and the infant do not go outside the house for 40 days. After that, they bath the infant and then, they both can leave the house; I didn’t follow that myself actually and left the house after 20 days.

The mother and her baby go to their relatives after 40 days. The host would give the baby a tissue, an egg, a little sugar and salt which are all symbols of beauty, saltiness and sweetness. In the past, when a baby was born, they would wrap him in clothes, but it’s kind of out of fashion now.

My husband was in Bulgaria when my son was born in 1997. Back then, there were problems regarding anesthesia medicine in Bulgaria and that’s why I gave birth to him in Turkey. I was away from my husband for more than 40 days, because I had returned to Turkey before childbirth. They were difficult days, although my husband and I are used to being away from one another.

When Mr. Ambassador was in the US, he would return to Turkey in the summer and then, we were away from each other for 3 months. Also when I was working and due to the fact that it was hard to take times off work, sometimes we couldn’t see each other for 6 months.

What name did you choose for your son?

They couldn’t choose a name for my son up until 5 days prior to childbirth and Mr. Ambassador proposed a name that no one liked. First he chose the name “Boğaç” pronounced like Bogach which is a mythological name which no one agreed with. Then while he was watching a basketball match, he ran into a name and called to tell me to name the baby Emrehan, but I heard it “Emirhan” and chose it.

I also liked the name “Kayra”, which later my niece picked for her kid. The names I had in mind were mostly for girls.

Is circumcision common for boys in Turkey?

Circumcision is very common in Turkey and some would circumcise their babies immediately after they are born; but some others would wait till boys become 7 or 8 years of age. After circumcision, there is a ceremony so not only would the boy enjoy it, but he’d also feel the manhood in him.

Tell us a little about national and religious celebrations in Turkey?

Our most important national celebration is October 29, the Republic Day in Turkey and April 23, the Grand Assembly Day. May 19 is also a celebration that marks the day when Ataturk launched the struggle for national liberation.

We have a four-day holiday on Eid al-Adha and a three-day on Eid al-Fitr. Over the past decade, Nowrouz has been also celebrated in Turkey and there is a one-day holiday on this occasion. Nowrouz is often celebrated by Kurds in southwestern Turkey. Chaharshanbe Suri is also commemorated where Nowrouz is celebrated, but it’s not a national event.

Also, since the days of the Ottomans, we observe the ten days of Muharam and finish our fasting eating a special meal named Ashure.

It must be mentioned that in the ten days of Muharam, a number of occasions have happened. One is Noah’s Ark that stranded through the mud and the other is Imam Husain who was martyred on this day. The Almighty also sent a sheep for Prophet Abraham to sacrifice in lieu of his son.

The people of Turkey pray during the ten days of Muharam and fast, but it’s not a certain yet if the reason why the meal is called Ashure is the Incident of Ashura.

Is Christmas as popular in Turkey as it is in Europe?

Certainly, some European traditions have made their way into the Turkish culture. We celebrate December 31, which is the New Year’s Eve, and cook turkey which is, of course, an American tradition of Thanksgiving. Santa Claus also wanders on the streets occasionally.

When and for how long were you in Italy, the US and UAE? What remarkable memories do you have from them?

We were located in Italy only for 6 months. 25 years ago we went to the UAE which was my husband’s first mission abroad and had a great time and good memories from it. In those days, only 20% of the people were from UAE and 80% were foreigners. The UAE introduced itself to the world by and by and even different dishes such as Mexican food, which we couldn’t find in Turkey, was widely available there.

The UAE has changed a great deal compared to your time there.

Yes, you are right. Mr. Ambassador went there recently and told me when he got back, “You wouldn’t recognize Dubai if you go there now.” It was interesting for me then to know that they intended to create a jungle in the middle of a desert and they were building cities in deserts. Back then, they employed drip irrigation for the first time to tend trees and create jungles, which worked really well, too.

Where did you go after the UAE?

We went to Bulgaria from 1995 to 1998. That was then when our first child was born in Turkey and I returned to Bulgaria after 40 days.

Wasn’t it difficult to raise your child in Bulgaria?

I didn’t have any problems environmentally, because it was all green and natural with very clean air. But only sometimes it was difficult to find food ingredients and fresh milk for my baby. However, we were close to Turkey and provided some of the stuff we needed from there.

In that time, the only problem of the country was its lax security and there was a lot of robbery. The Soviet Union had gone into demise then, the whole Eastern Bloc was deep in chaos and all countries had security problems. Back at the time, the inflation rate seriously rocketed overnight and things got really messy.

Where did you go next?

I should point out that between each mission, we spent some time in Turkey. We were in the US twice; once between 2000 and 2004 in New York and then we returned to Turkey, and once again from 2007 to 2011 in Los Angeles.

A large population of Iranians live in Los Angeles. Did you get to meet them?

My son used to go to school there and at school, he had met some kids whose parents were Iranian. He had quite a lot of Iranian friends in the basketball team who we were friends with. Iranians in Los Angeles were mostly friends with their own kind, and so are Turks. They didn’t even let their children marry any non-Iranian people.

Do you have any special memory or life experience from your time in L.A.?

I saw there that the Americans are different from their politicians. They are kind to strangers and welcome them among themselves. 9/11 was the most important incident for me. After that, I found out that some Americans began seeing Muslims differently and did not have the same warmth toward Muslims and strangers anymore. Before that, it didn’t matter to the people of America whether you were a Muslim or not, but after 9/11, their attitude became negative and some of them drew a sharp line between Muslims and Christians.

Where were you on 9/11?

I intended to attend a training course and so, I had dropped my son at the kindergarten. First, I was in the center and there, I saw the collision scene and thought that was a movie, and when I saw later that people were torn in tears, I figured out what it was really about. I was so shocked that I forgot to pick my son from the kindergarten. I walked a few kilometers home and then I remembered I hadn’t picked up my son. So I called my husband, but all telephone lines were out. Our house was close to the main street, but since public transportation was disrupted after the incident, I had to walk home. There was ash on everything as if the world had come down to the apocalypse.

Was Mr. Hakan Tekin appointed Turkey’s Ambassador to Iran after you moved back to Turkey from New York?

He was appointed as Ambassador to Iran three years after we returned from Los Angeles to Ankara. Actually due to sizeable population of Iranian-Americans in the greater Los Angeles area, one of the nicknames of the  city was “Tehrangeles”. On October 15, 2014, Mr. Ambassador started his job in Tehran and I joined him one year later, because my son was studying in Turkey. So, we moved from Tehrangeles to Tehran.

Considering your sociable spirit, how much have you managed to interact with the Iranian people?

As I said before, I came to Tehran one year after Mr. Ambassador and because of that, my husband had prepared an appropriate atmosphere for me.

In addition to that, I go to do Pilates a few days a week and there, I have made friends with people from different social classes, which I enjoy. In my opinion, Iranian people are very lovable.

How do Iranians react when they figure out you are the wife of Turkey’s Ambassador?

I don’t tell anyone I am the wife of Turkey’s Ambassador. But they sometimes ask me about where I live and they eventually find out that my husband’s a diplomat. But they behave the same. Of course, if they ask me why I have come to Iran, I would tell them that my husband has a position at the Embassy, but I don’t tell them that my husband is the Ambassador. I don’t see any reason to do so, either. I want people to feel comfortable and be closer to me.

Of the spouses of the diplomats in Tehran, who do you have a closer contact with?

They are all good, but I’m more often in contact with the wives of German, Hungarian, British, Austrian, Danish and Italian Ambassadors and officials. The wife of Iran’s FM, Dr. Zarif also has a group that consists of different parts and in one part, we gather around and talk about theosophy. She has another group, of course, in which artistic activities are done and on its latest occasion, Iranian handicrafts were put up for display.

Do you do artistic works in Tehran?

I used to paint in the past, but I don’t follow any particular branch of art now, and only go to painting and sculpture galleries on Fridays with Mr. Ambassador.

Which Iranian foods do you think are closer in taste to Turkish people?

I think Iranian foods are very close to Turkish cuisine. For example, we call scrambled kebab “Adana” and know Shishilik as “Pirzola”. We also make grape-leaf wraps with a minute difference in vegetables and condiments; for instance, we don’t use saffron and add turmeric instead. Because saffron is not widely recognized in Turkey. Food diversity is very wide in Turkey’s different areas.

Which Iranian dishes do you cook best?

Kashk-e-Bademjan (whey and eggplant) and pottage; because I tried them and I like them. But I haven’t made the rest. I like vegetable-rice with meat very much, too.

How useful is whey in Turkish foods?

Whey is known to eastern and southeastern Turkey, and they call it “ghurut”, too, but not in other areas. Before going to the southeastern city of Mardin in Turkey, I hadn’t even seen what whey was like. They have just begun using whey in Turkish restaurants, but it’s still not that much common in Turkey.

What difference is there between Iranian and Turkish foods?

Turkish dishes have more variety than Iranian foods. Iranian foods are more or less the same everywhere in the country and they serve same meals. But if you try something in western Turkey, you see there are special vegetables in it which you won’t be able to find in eastern Turkey.

I found out here that the eating habits of Iranians are better than those of Turks. For example, they eat sweets and fruits before their main course, whereas we have desserts after it, which is harmful to our health.

On the other hand, Iranian desserts have less sugar than Turkish desserts. Also, more vegetables are used in Iranian cuisine. Another thing is that in Turkey, more salty bread is used, whereas in Iran, people eat rice with their meals which has less calorie.

How precise is the understanding of the two nations of one another? How different is the Iran you live in from the one you had in mind?

Iranians know Turkey better than Turks know Iran, because they travel there a lot. Before coming to Iran, I thought Iran has a more closed society. But when I started living in the country, I understood Iran has an open society with enlightened people in it.

In Iran, women have socially advanced men and they are often more dominant in their families. The level of culture among people is high, meaning the number of illiterates is very little. The poems of Hafez and Roumi can clearly be found in the talks of people and they are very interested in music, too.

When I came to Iran and saw how dressed up the ladies were, I felt that they only take care of their appearance and not what’s inside. But when I got to know them closely, I saw that most of them are highly educated, have earned themselves a position in the society, and hold most of the important jobs here.

What is the most difficult memory of your life? When did it happen and how did you manage it?

It was July 2016 when the coup attempt took place in Turkey. I was in Ankara then and Mr. Ambassador was on an island; very close to Mr. President, perhaps half an hour distance. But because he was on a boat, he hadn’t found out about the incidents and the coup immediately.

That was the worst night of my life in a way that I hadn’t even known the feeling in 9/11 in New York. That night, my son was at one of his friend’s house somewhere near Prime Minister’s building and I was worried sick about him. I thought it was the end of the world and had the hardest time.

The sound of prayer and reading Quran came from mosques every ten minutes.

It was so horrific that when I woke up the next day, I didn’t know if what I saw the previous night was real or just a dream.

If there is anything left you want to point out, I’d be glad to hear it.

Thank you for your attendance. This was a great meeting and interview, and I would like to use this opportunity and ask the Almighty to return peace to the Middle East in 2018, politics steps back and humanity sits on its throne.