“Nowruz Has Gradually Become a Public Celebration” Believes Wife of the Turkish Ambassador to Iran

Zeynep Kırlangıç was raised in a religious and political family. She married a professor of Persian language and literature to build a quiet life away from the noisy atmosphere of politics. She has such a poetic spirit that the melodious Persian names have inspired her to choose the names of her children with this affection. After studying Arabic language and literature, Mrs. Kırlangıç turned to Ruqʿah calligraphy and then added Tezhip to it. Now, after completing her training in Ruqʿah calligraphy, she has received a teaching license. She has also completed her training in Thuluth calligraphy.

AVA Diplomatic’s Exclusive Interview with Mrs. Zeynep Kırlangıç,

Wife of the Turkish Ambassador to Iran

In the beginning, let us know where you were born and how did you spend your childhood and young adult years?

I was born in Ankara and lived my childhood and young adult years in the same city. I spent my primary school and high school at Tevfik İleri İmam Hatip in Ankara. In Türkiye, apart from Tevfik İleri İmam Hatip High Schools, there are no other religious schools. At higher levels, we have theological faculties, though.

My parents both studied theology and were classmates when they met. My father was initially accepted to the Middle East Technical University in Ankara, but because there was no prayer room inside the university and there was also this opportunity for students to enroll in any other university if their grades allowed them, he decided to change his major and university.

My mother, at first, was accepted to study Theatre Arts at university, but something happened to her. One day, my grandfather had taken her to the mosque and told her we came here to pray.

My mother said to herself there that we have come to pray, but I don’t know what to do and how to say the prayer. The occurrence of this question made her study Theology rather than Theatre Arts and learned it at university. Therefore, she enrolled in Theology.

There are five of us in the family, and I am the first child. Two of my siblings are twins. I grew up in such a family and such an atmosphere.

What path did your father take in politics and business after graduating from university?

After graduation, my father entered into the politics and worked alongside with Mr. Necmettin Erbakan. At one point, Mr. Erbakan decided to nominate him as a member of parliament, but owing to my father’s young age, it did not become possible. However, my father was the head of Mr. Erbakan’s office for four years. Afterwards, he entered into the world of business.

What factors caused your father to distance himself from politics?

As you may know, there was a coup in Türkiye in 1980. My father had distanced from politics prior to that date. Before that coup, there had also been a revolution in Iran, and sanctions against Iran began from the very beginning.

As far as I remember, my father had an agricultural machinery factory back then. I was very young then. Despite those sanctions, my father was doing business with Iran at that time and was exporting to this country. I asked him what he was exporting to Iran and he said doors and windows and stuff like that. To be honest, I don’t remember exactly, but what is certain is that from a very young age I had a sense of curiosity and awareness towards Iran. This had even caused me to have a sense of familiarity and affection for Iran. Later, my father focused more on the European market and his trade with Iran was discontinued.

Did you ever have a chance to see Mr. Erbakan when your father was the head of his office? What memories do you have of him?

I do not have a specific memory of Mr. Erbakan, but I had seen him many times. This is my father who has memories of him, as he worked closely with him. We grew up in such an atmosphere. In 1998, my mother was nominated as a candidate for parliament by the Welfare Party, but she was not elected. By and large, our family was in contact with Mr. Erbakan and the political atmosphere for four years.

Has your mother ever had a political position?

She ran for parliament, but was not elected. Honestly speaking, my mother was always much more into politics than my father. She was active in civil society organizations and she still is. Back then, my mother attended meetings of the Party. Of course, my father still has close friendships with many members of the Justice and Development Party. It would be better to say that rather than being present in the party and political space as a politician and political activist, we were mainly part of the society that had friendly relations and interactions with them.

Do you have any memories of your parents’ political activities?

Turkey, like Iran, has a dynamic and eventful political environment. For instance, I suppose it was a good thing that my mother was not elected as a member of parliament, because she was active in the field of education and ran a private school that she had founded. If she had been elected as a member of parliament, the existence of that school would have been at risk due to subsequent events.

My mother was so active. I remember that some nights she would come home at 2 or 3 a.m. because of heavy workload. My father did not object and did not stop her as he could not keep her at home; besides, my mother was not the type of person to stay at home.

Giving the characteristics you described about your mother, how similar are you to her?

In this respect, I am not like my mother at all. My husband and I are both very quiet people. Before I got married, I always prayed that God would put someone in my path that would go to work and come home and we would have peace. In fact, he would be busy with his books and there would be a peaceful atmosphere in the house. I am grateful to God that he put such a person in my path.

Beyond being a diplomat, Mr. Hicabi Kırlangıç is an academician. How and where did you first become acquainted with him?

My mother had a friend and colleague at school. In fact, her husband introduced us to each other in a way and the rest of the story went on.

Did you have a traditional marriage?

No, it was not that traditional because when we say traditional, usually the groom’s family comes first to see the girl and after they approve her, the boy and the girl are introduced to each other. For us, it was not like this. I was interested in poetry. I did not versify and write poetry myself, but I read and memorized a lot of poetry. I had read my husband’s poems before. There was always this image in my mind that a poet is an elderly person. When the topic of marriage came up and my mother’s friend’s husband mentioned his name, I said I know him and I have read his poems. I think he is old. He said no, he is young. Then, we were introduced to each other. Of course, from a religious perspective, it is permissible for young people to be introduced to each other and to have a conversation.

When did your husband write you the first romantic poem?

He had gone to the city of Muş in Anatolia to spend his compulsory military service. Winters are very harsh there. It was there that he wrote a poem for me.

Did he write to you about his longings during that time?

Yes. At that time, due to the conditions in the barracks, it was not an option to make phone calls. However, it was possible to write letters. Of course, that time, our daughter was two and a half years old. Actually, he went to serve his military service after his PhD graduation.

We were both in the same faculty indeed. I was a student of Arabic language and literature and he was a professor of Persian language and literature. When he went into the military service, I was a senior at university.

What are the wedding rituals and traditions in Türkiye? What was your wedding like? What was your condition for the groom?

In Türkiye, it is almost the same as in Iran, and we usually read religious marriage vows before registering the marriage. The person who read our marriage contract was a friend of my father and already knew Mr. Hicabi Kırlangıç. When my father told him that my daughter’s fiancé was Mr. Hicabi, he said that he knew him. He would not hurt a fly.

In Islamic marriage contracts, the matter of dowry is usually raised. Although my parents were very strict in their own profession, they were easy going in this regard. I did not want any problems to arise either, as our mentality was that this marriage was going to last a lifetime and its foundations were being formed here and it would continue in the same way.

We tried to make our marriage easy. Of course, there is the matter of specifying the dowry in Türkiye. For example, it has to be a certain amount of gold. Sometimes there are quarrels in the jewelry shop and the marriage is completely ruined. During the meeting between the families, my father-in-law said that I want to buy such and such things, but I said no, what you have already taken is enough and there is no need for the rest.

The reality is that there are some people who demand, for example, a kilogram of gold and have very strange ideals, which I don’t think is right. There are also some people who consider themselves very religious and only ask for a Hajj pilgrimage. I don’t think this is right either, because it is important for a woman to be able to support herself to a reasonable extent.

I believe that religion has also considered dowry to this end and a reasonable extent should be observed in this regard. Having dowry is necessary, but excessiveness in it does not make sense. It is not right to promise something that cannot be given or taken. I myself asked for a house and a Hajj pilgrimage as dowry. When I think about it now, I see that I could skip Hajj pilgrimage, and the house itself would have been enough; because a house is for securing this world, and perhaps it is not right for a person to mix something related to the hereafter with this case. Thank God, all the things we agreed on have been secured and I have them.

Meanwhile, some families are very traditional or have preserved their old family culture. This is not related to a specific region. Although according to Sharia, the dowry is the right of the daughter, we see that the father of the bride takes the dowry for himself. We should note that there are also such behaviors which do not make sense to me.

I do not know, in Iran, if the families of the boy and the girl accompany them for shopping or not, but we have such a tradition in Türkiye. I believe the families should be there only as supporters and let them make their own choices freely. Otherwise, a life that begins with such problems will either not end, or if it does, it will proceed with difficulty.

When was your first child born? Are there any special rituals and traditions related to the naming of a child in Türkiye?

Our first child was born in 1994. In this regard, there are various customs in Türkiye, but my father and my husband believed that naming the child is the mother’s right. So, they left the decision to me. Of course, there is a custom in Türkiye that the father or grandfather chooses the name or the newly born is named after them. After the name is chosen by the elders, somebody, for example the grandfather of the baby, recites Adhan in the child’s ear and says his name in his ear. In our case, as I said, I chose the names of our children and my husband was happy about it.

I love Farsi language; however, I never learned it fully. Persian names sound beautiful to my ears and I named my children with this feeling. Our daughter’s name is Homa which is a Persian name, and we added Nur to it and her name is “Homa Nur”. We also have two sons. Our older son’s name, who is our middle child, is “Yusuf Raha”. Our younger son’s name is “Ahmet Soha”.

You may remember that time there was a TV presenter named Raha Mukhtar. I intended to name my son Raha, but I felt that would sound like his name. So, I named my son “Yusuf Raha”. Also my father-in-law’s name was Yusuf, though I did not name my son because of him. Of course, I felt that he would agree with this name. Generally, I love the name Yusuf and I added the name Raha to it.

What do your children do now?

My daughter is a Turkish Language and Literature graduate and is a teacher now. She has two little kids. My second child, Yusuf Raha, who was formerly accepted in Literature, is now studying Sociology at Başkent University. My third child, Ahmet Soha, is a student at an international school in Iran.

You pointed out your own marriage and said your parents were not strict. Did you take the same approach with your daughter?

I had a mindset from the very beginning. I believed in it and I do still believe in it. Marriage is something that young people should be inspired to do. Religion encourages it and it is socially acceptable for young people to find each other, form a family, and build their own lives

Just as our marriage was trouble-free and we were able to easily build our own lives, I behaved with the same mentality in my daughter’s marriage. If, for example, she is given twenty gold bangles, it doesn’t matter as much as her husband treats her properly and lovingly. A good behavior is more valuable than all the gold they bring to her.

Which national and religious ceremonies and rituals in Türkiye hold a special place for you?

In Türkiye, like in Iran and other Muslim countries, Eid al-Adha and Eid al-Fitr are of particular importance, and families visit each other.

Given that you are considered as a part of the Islamist community in Türkiye, in your opinion, have religious ceremonies and rituals in Türkiye become less prominent or, on the contrary, more prominent in recent years?

I want to answer this question honestly and clearly. In the main body of Turkish society, there is no gap between Islamists and secularists, and people are living together. Extremists from both sided i.e. radical Islamists who consider themselves very religious, and the group on the other side who consider themselves very secular or laic, may have tensions with each other; but rest of the people, regardless of political, religious and lifestyle tendencies, are living together peacefully and have interactions. As an example, in my first art class, the lady whom I was learning from, in terms of lifestyle and thinking was from the Republican People’s Party, and she herself said that she had promised her father that she would not vote for any party other than the Republican People’s Party for the rest of her life.

I worked with her in the same place for six years and I was learning from her. There is no such gap in the main body of the society. For example, in the case of Ramadan month, the one who is fasting, fasts for himself and the one who does not fast for whatever reason, goes to the café and has his food or tea. These two have no problems with one another. In the case of Hijab, this is also the same. There are women who wear black Chador, there are women who wear a more moderate Hijab, and there are women who go out without Hijab and with their heads uncovered. All these are the matters of choice and these people do not clash much with each other.

In Türkiye, in Iran, or in the entire Middle East, these conflicts rather than being endogenous and formed within the society itself, they are exogenous and imposed on the society from outside. In Germany, as an example, where the number of Turks is very large and they have very high potential, they live side by side with Christians; but who are the ones causing the problems there? There are a number of radical groups that provoke society. In our country, there are also some people that I can say are unaware and provoked from outside. They sometimes say things that create tension in the society. As a matter of fact, we should not highlight something that is not nice, and it is better to keep it ignored. From my point of view, the Justice and Development Party has managed these issues well.

Since the Ottoman Empire era, Turkish people fast on the 10^th day of Muharram month and break their fast with a special food called Aşure. Can you explain about this ritual?

This is recommended to fast in the first ten days of Muharram month, and those who wish to do so, fast this period. On the day of Ashura, a dish called Aşure is prepared. As a child, I did not know the religious origins and reasons for preparing this dish. Later, when I studied its philosophy, I explained the reasons to my own children as well.

The origins of this food are apart from the events of Ashura in the year 61 (Hijri calendar), and go back to the era before that. For example, it is stated in the narratives that Prophet Adam descended to earth on that day or that Prophet Noah’s Ark, along with the believers, landed on the day of Ashura.

In the philosophy of this dish, it is said that the provisions of Noah’s Ark were almost over and they cooked food from the remaining bags. That food is the same Aşure we cook today and usually take to our neighbors too. In Türkiye, the Alevis also hold ceremonies on these days based on their beliefs. We honor their ceremonies. The way these ceremonies and rituals bring a family, neighborhood or village together and create solidarity is pleasing. This solidarity and beauty comes from these rituals.

Please tell us about your interest in Tezhip (Illuminated manuscript). What attracted you to this particular art?

Before I turned to traditional arts, I first studied Fine Arts (Painting and Drawing) at university for about two years. In those years, it was almost impossible for a student like me, who came from a religious family to continue his or her attendance at university. In fact, some of the radical laic or secular professors did not have the proper attitude.

Were you treated inappropriately because of wearing a headscarf or hijab?

Yes. And of course, we had professors who not only did care at all about what mindset the student came with, but also had an open and universal outlook, and treated the students well. Only two of my professors were like this. Unfortunately, I could not continue my major there, and then I got married.

You had asked me about my condition for marriage, and I forgot to mention that my condition was to be allowed to continue my education after marriage, and my husband accepted it. After we had a child and my husband was teaching at the university, I was accepted to study Arabic Language and Literature.

Considering my background in paintings and drawings, and then starting to study Arabic Language and Literature, I went for calligraphy. So, I went to a master to learn calligraphy, and gradually I added Tezhip to my classes. Actually, I was studying calligraphy and Tezhip simultaneously.

Did you calligraph Arabic script?

I was studying Ruqʿah, which is one of the Six Pens of Arabic scripts. This script was widely used in correspondence during the Ottoman Empire era. After completing the course of Ruqʿah, I received the teaching certificate from my master. Then, I started learning Thuluth script and completed it to the final level. If I have another one year to practice Thuluth, my master will give its teaching certificate as well. I also took a short course to learn Naskh script. I did not do this one as much as those two. In the meantime, the teacher, Mr. Orhan Dağlı, had come to Ankara from Istanbul and I learned anthography (flowers paintings) from him. I was also continuing to learn Tezhip at the same time.

In your opinion, what is the position of the art of Tezhip and Ebru (paper marbling) in the traditional arts of Iran and Türkiye? Do these two arts have any similarities?

When we look at the history of Türkiye, we see that after the rise of the Ottoman Empire in the 15^th century, the art of Tezhip was formed and reached perfection. Prior to that time, there were some examples that could be considered the roots of Tezhip. These examples can be seen in the artworks of the Mamluks in Egypt, the Sasanian Empire, and even among the Uyghurs in East Turkestan and Central Asia. In those places, there were engravings that evolved and matured over time and finally became the art of Tezhip in the 15^th century and afterwards.

Meanwhile, there was a serious relationship between Iranian and Ottoman artists, to the extent that some Iranian artists came to Ottoman and worked there, including Baba Nakkaş.

During the reigns of Sultan Mehmed the Conqueror, Sultan Selim the Grim, and Sultan Suleiman, those interactions existed firmly. To give an example, the original version of Sultan Suleiman’s Diwan, known as Diwan Muhibbi, was illustrated and calligraphed by Iranian artists. In short, there was a wide artistic exchange between Muslim artists in the East and the Ottoman Empire during that era, and this artistic experience was integrated.

Is this narrative true that the art of Ebru first emerged in India and was transmitted from India to Iran and from Iran to the Ottoman Empire?

This is one possibility that has been raised, but what I believe more is that the arts of Ebru, and even Tezhip, have Uyghur roots and spread eastward from that region. However, it should be noted that during that era and in that shared geography, there were plenty of exchanges in both the field of trade and the field of art.

In the present era, how can traditional arts such as Tezhip and Ebru be revived and promoted?

Aside from the promotion of these arts, in regard with their revival, we are dealing with the arts which have historical background with their techniques and secrets, many of which are not recorded or even written down anywhere. These techniques and secrets were just passed down from generation to generation. The master knows these secrets and they are only passed on if he teaches them to his learners; otherwise, they remain with him.

In Tezhip, if the gold color is shiny and sparkling, tezhip has been done correctly; but if it is not so, the work is considered lame. If the master who is teaching Tezhip to his learners does not care about the shine of the gold when teaching this part, the learner will remain weak in this part. Such an approach, over time, causes our arts to become weaker day by day and suffer from a lack of knowledge.

In modern arts such as watercolor or sculpture, there are many educational resources, and if a master does not explain a point, the learner can refer to other resources. However, in the case of arts like Tezhip, many techniques have not been recorded. I have serious criticism of some masters who are stingy to teach these techniques and keep them to themselves. This approach will lead to the destruction or weakening of these arts in the long run. These secrets must be recorded, transmitted and taught.

After Mr. Hicabi Kırlangıç was appointed as ambassador to Tehran, you accompanied him to Iran. Given your social spirit, how successful were you in establishing contacts with the Iranian people?

When it was announced that my husband had been appointed as ambassador to Iran and we would have to travel to this country, some people around me were bizarrely asking how you are going to go to Iran and made comments like that. Not only did I not have any prejudice against Iran, but I looked at it positively with a smile on my face.

Almost twenty years ago, my husband was teaching at a university in Iran for a year and I came to Iran with him. Back then, I had also traveled to Iran happily with a smiling face. The difference I notice now compared to twenty years ago is that today more people can speak Turkish.

There has always been a deep and heartfelt bond between our lands, our people, and our history. I came to Iran with a very positive outlook. There are some countries that, after a single trip, you just say it was a good trip and the file is closed for you. On the other hand, some other countries like Iran are different; no matter how many times you visit, you still want to return and say to yourself, I want to see other cities in this country.

Just two months ago, we visited Neyshabur. When we returned, I told my husband that the trip was not enough for me and I should go to Neyshabur again and explore it properly. I have also visited Isfahan and a few other cities and I still wish to see Isfahan again.

Iran has such a place for me. A while ago in a conversation, one of the staff members of the embassy told me, “You seem to really like Iran. Do not you have any negative images of Iran in your mind?” I said, “If someone looks for negative points, he will find them even in his own country.”

I am used to seeing the full half of the glass, as it makes me feel better. In Iran, I feel as if I am in my own country and I do not feel any sense of alienation or foreignness. I enjoy being in Iran.

Which of the Iranian customs and traditions you observed was most interesting to you?

In the past, Nowruz in Türkiye even took on a political dimension and was seen as a political event for a certain segment of society. In eastern Türkiye, Kurds celebrate Nowruz, and in the areas where we were living, it was more of a political event. Over the past ten to fifteen years, this mentality has changed and Nowruz has gradually become a public celebration.

When I came to Iran, Nowrus was fascinating to me and my perspective on it completely changed. I found out that Nowruz has nothing to do with politics, but rather an ancient celebration that is held with great solemnity and grandeur in Iran. Incidentally, it was a few nights ago that my husband and I were counting the items of the Haft-sin table. The fact that families get together in Nowruz is very heartwarming and interesting to me, and it changed the mindset I had about Nowruz at that time.

Which Iranian food is closer in taste to Turkish cuisine? Which Iranian dish do you cook well?

I have learned a few dishes, but I have not had an opportunity to cook them yet. I have just received their recipes. As for which Iranian dishes are similar to Turkish dishes in taste, I should say that there are some dishes here that we have almost similar dishes to them in Türkiye. To make an example, you have Kabab koobideh, which is similar to our Adana kebab.

In the matter of taste, I think people should broaden their food choices a bit and be open to trying different dishes. Some people are very inflexible and end up depriving themselves from new experiences. In our family, it is different; however, and there is a positive attitude towards trying new dishes. Some time ago, we went to a Chinese restaurant in Tehran to try their dishes. Even when I first came to Iran, I enjoyed the new food experience.

I like saffron now, but at first its taste was odd to me. One day, we had a meal with saffron in it. Then we ordered ice cream and we saw it also had saffron in it. As I said, I really like saffron now and the taste is no more strange to me. We even make saffron tea at home now. There has not been any Iranian food that I have not liked. As for making kebabs, it is kind of masculine and men should learn it. For other Iranian dishes, if I have time, I will definitely make them.

What is the most difficult memory of your life and how did you manage that crisis?

I think life is like a roller coaster. One round it brings you down and the next round brings you up. Life in total is full of ups and downs. One of the most difficult experiences of my life was the demise of my younger brother during the Corona pandemic. This loss was very hard to us, because when you lose someone close to you, you are faced with the coldness and reality of death

Among family members, the demise of sibling differs. The death of a parent is somehow different, the death of a spouse may have different effects, but the feeling that the death of a sibling creates in a person is totally disparate, as the form of the relationship with siblings is distinct. I knew that my mother, among her children, had a special amity with that my brother. With the demise of my brother, I felt both the pain of loss and the grief that the child with whom my mother was closest had died and would probably feel more alone.

Life has two faces; one side is hardship and the other is mercy. Whenever the mercy occurs, basically a hardship has been passed before it. This is the same for everyone, i.e. you cannot find somebody claiming that I have spent my whole life with only joy and mercy or vice versa. This is in the afterlife that these two are separated and some people wear the shirt of mercy and others the shirt of hardship. In this world, these two are side by side and we constantly go back and forth between the two. The occurrence of my brother’s loss was burdensome. When he was in the hospital, we were not even allowed to be beside him. I used to pray for him from home and this calmed me down a bit.

Which diplomats’ spouses in Tehran do you have a closer relationship with? What advice do you have for the spouses of other ambassadors during their stay in Iran?

Since I was already busy, I came to Tehran with all my working tools and equipment. So, I did not have much free time to fill it by looking for new friends and acquaintances.

When I go home, my desk is ready and I am busy doing my own work. Such a situation has led to less contact with other diplomats’ spouses. Additionally, in the early months of my husband’s mission, I was frequently going to Türkiye and coming back and I was not staying in Iran for long.

During my stay in Iran, as I said, I am mostly busy with my own work. In our early days here, once, the wife of the German ambassador invited us. We went there and thanked her, but not much cordial bond was created. At events, I talk to some of the ambassadors’ spouses that I am familiar with, but I am mostly in touch with the spouses of our embassy colleagues. This is enough for me and gives me energy

We have a proverb that says, “My clothes should be my size.” So, my advice may not necessarily be suitable for other diplomats’ spouses, but I would like to share with them what I have experienced myself. Iran is the land of poetry, literature, and art. So, take advantage of the opportunity you have here.

In the end, if there is any missing point that you would like to mention, please feel free to say.

I just thank you.